Thursday, May 10, 2012

It's Tribe Time Now

I live, breathe, and pee Indians Baseball. (Exhale of satisfaction as I arch my back and urinate a blue-red stream, "This is America...This is America.") Sorry if that was strange. Anyway, We're just over a month into the season and a few hours ago wrapped up a series opening win against the Red Sox in Boston. The Tribe is currently 18-13 with a 2 game lead in the American League Central Division, but with 131 games left to play that doesn't really matter right now. Johnny Damon has recently been acquired to bolster up our grimacing-after-poor-plate-appearances efforts, because Casey Kotchman couldn't handle it all by himself. Also on that note, I encourage you to participate in a moment of silence for the loss of Shelley Duncan's only chance at ever being an everyday player. While the season is so very young, here are a few keys to get to the post season. 1. Health -Being healthy is important for every team, but a lack of health really cost the team last year as their tenuous hold of first place slowly but surely transformed into a distant second place finish. If Sizemore can come back in June and play anything like the high school sweetheart we remember him as, then the Tribe is golden. I wouldn't count on Grady much though. The lineup's team approach makes it a little easier to absorb injury blows, but we really can't survive if we are missing more than one key guy at a time. 2. Walks -Cleveland currently leads the league in walks by a good margin. The month of April showcased a patient offense taking advantage of free base runners. In actuality, the Indians didn't even hit that well during April, but you don't need to pile up hits as often if you already have runners on base via the walk. The past week or so, the self restraint of the Tribe has waned a little and the walks haven't been coming at the same rate. Our offense is OK, but not good enough that we can't stop relying on walks. Recent history has shown that teams near the top of the league in walks have made the playoffs. 3. No 3 game losing streaks -I'm not sure if this is a thing baseball people focus on or not (obviously any losing streak isn't good, and anything 5 games or more definitely gets attention) but Cleveland is yet to lose three games in a row. This doesn't matter much if you're switching on and off with two losses and one win, but the ability to keep a week of bad baseball positive lies in mixing wins in at the right times. Any team can likely afford a 3 game or worse losing streak and still be OK. Having one every now and then isn't going to kill anyone, but you get the idea. 4. Perhaps a Trade -The team as it stands is certainly not perfect and any trade isn't going to suddenly make the Tribe the best team ever. But there are a few moves that could be made. Perhaps the Tribe would go after another starting pitcher this summer like they did with Ubaldo last year. Wandy Rodriquez of the Houston Astros is already being talked about as someone who will likely be moved. That may be too high profile for Cleveland, but maybe it could happen. As things currently stand I'm only adequately confident in Lowe and Masterson. Ubaldo has had a couple of fantastic starts and he may sway me yet. Gomez and Tomlin are nice pitchers but I honestly wouldn't want them pitching with a postseason series on the line. I think we can reach the playoffs with this rotation, but a trade could decide whether we go anywhere once we make it. If the Red Sox are officially declared dead by the trade deadline, I would be ecstatic to get Kevin Youkolis. It may be they would do the trade even if they felt they could still compete. Who knows, but a right handed veteran bench guy who can preach walk taking and give spells at first and third base could really help. Donald has honestly looked awful playing third and aside from occasional glorious Shelley Duncan doubles and homers, our bench has little ability to contribute much offensively. If we had Youk, Damon, and Lowe then we would be getting pretty close to building a team that has won the world series before. 5. Play good baseball -This is obvious, obviously. One huge positive to look at right now is that the Cleveland Indians are 18-13 without playing extremely well. The 2012 version of the Indians didn't get off to the same hot April that last year's team did, but in a way that is encouraging. The 2011 team played out of their minds those first few weeks of the season and everyone wondered if they could keep it up--and they didn't. Outside of Tony Sipp (excluding long relievers-they stink on every team) the bullpen has been amazing after that poor start at home. Raffy Perez is hurt but Hagadone has stepped in and been even better and I really hope he stays with us all year long. Sipp needs to get things together, he looks awful and righties are murdering him. Offensively, Brantely is officially heated up so that leaves just Kotchman and Damon to pick things up. Hafner is beginning to slide as well. Choo hasn't been great but is looking better lately. Grady coming back and acquiring a guy like Youkolis could put my mind to rest on the offense but overall everything is looking better. Despite saying he was one of the two starting pitchers I am confident in, Justin Masterson has been pitching like a very average, non-sexy man. He will get things together though and if Ubaldo continues what he did to Texas then I have no fear. 6. Road Warriors -The Indians have the best road record and the home record is what is suffering. I'm not worried about playing at home, because that will gradually improve. Continued dominance on the road will put us over the top and help us clinch the division. This is also important because we for some reason got man handled by the maniac who coordinates scheduling and got several 9 game, 3 city road trips. We've already had our first one and went 7-2. 7. The 7th and Final Key -Mustard in the hot dog derby. I don't know why...he just has a winning vibe. His success is our success. In Mustard we trust.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

A Review and Critique of Twitter and Social Media

I recently gave Twitter a try, and I cannot say I fell for it. I suppose it depends on your friends and the audience surrounding them, but I personally found that most thoughts shared in the Twitter world are a part or combination of: useless, juvenile, bragging, pathetic, and crass.

As a Facebook user-and by "user" I mean I occasionally use it to look up profiles of girls, ultimately find one comment, picture, or piece of information that completely turns me off and move on (Shallow? Maybe. Realistically though, this is what most guys and probably a lot of girls use it for. Things that annoy me are the stupid bathroom mirror pictures and any "about me" information that includes a lot of cussing and references to partying or being intoxicated, ((Side note: Don't judge me for judging possibly misrepresented information and surface details. If you like to party, great. If you're drunk every weekend-whatever, I don't want to come across as holier-than-thou, because honestly I don't care; but yes, in the back of my mind you are trash. That's unrelated, though.)) it just isn't classy.) disappointed.

Did you figure out that parenthetical mess? Brain exercises are fun.

Now that all that background information is laid out, I'll move on and explain why Twitter postings are an accessory to the murder of a complete, rational thought.

Incriminating Evidence:

1. 140 Character Limit- I think it is 140, I can't remember for sure. I wish I was skilled enough to use so little to convey a deep and meaningful message. Putting out a tweet for me seemed very rigid and defined, and based on what I had observed it was either going to be about A. What I was currently doing B. Some hypocritical teenage pseudo wisdom bit C. Expletives D. A paintbrush stroke of my ever-so-deep emotions or E. Other, random words-perhaps something the TV or a friend said that was funny at the time, but really has no comical value without context.

This mandate on word usage doesn't bother so much as how it is being used. I like the idea- short "tweet-like" messages. However, eventually the constant bombardment of total garbage wore my brain down. I imagined my brain as a character in Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds. At first, the little birds came across innocently and tickled my brain with lighthearted musings and going ons of friends. Then the tweets became slightly questionable, annoying, and strange...but I continued on without much thought. Then an epidemic of T.M.I. and a virus of cussing like a sailor hit the tweeters. Suddenly, they all swarmed about me and pecked my eyes out. I bled and screamed-where had I gone wrong...where had I gone wrong?

In that moment I came to realize that perhaps brevity is not the soul of wit.

2. No Law- Obviously Twitter has several rules that its users abide by, and I read them all before I clicked "I agree", but in general I have gathered that Twitter is used mostly by the younger generations. I don't have any statistics backing that up, but I think it is basically agreed upon that it is mostly kids on it, and I'm sure Twitter has information supporting that. This all being said, there doesn't seem to be any parental influence and there's probably less of a threat your school/workplace would see your thoughts. I think that is why a lot of teenagers and 20 somethings who still act like teenagers/hang out with high schoolers/have a high school mentality/ sit at their local bars reminiscing every weekend about their school record completion percentage in high school ball (slashes are ending here) use their...colorful...language so freely. Parents are not using Twitter en masse like they are on Facebook. And overall Twitter seems a lot freer in that regard, there aren't older members of the community always checking up on you and leaving comments that for some reason lead to killing your post. I think everyone remembers the horror or their parents joining Facebook, and subsequently becoming more addicted to it than their children, but Twitter doesn't have that. Free reign to say anything turns out not to be a good option for some. The ever creeping threat of Facebook judgment generally keeps Facebook cleaner. If Twitter had that, maybe it would be bearable.

3. Overall suckiness- And I only say suckiness because of "The Birds" situation outlined earlier, I've been influenced by suck. In general, I don't find Twitter very good for socializing. If someone really likes Twitter and uses it actively to communicate, then that's fine. In my limited use, it felt clunky. You can send private messages, and you can reply to tweets, but for some reason it seems impersonal. I don't really have logic surrounding that, it was simply my intuition. People with both Facebook and Twitter seem to have an unspoken understanding that Facebook is used for more formal social communication (If social networking can be called formal) and Twitter is more of a play-by-play of what you're doing mixed with other stuff. I guess I prefer to use the platform closer to formal.


In conclusion, both Facebook and Twitter have faults and positive things about them, but in general I think it is all pretty stupid. A Facebook status can be misused just as a tweet can. People often over post on both sites, and it is annoying. I guess my main problem with the current utensils of social media isn't so much the immature junk people post, but more so the fact it has become more a parade than anything. Users are using these things in a way to say, "Look at me! Look at what I'm doing!". Ideally, there should be more actual socialization. Therefore, I give social media a D+

Friday, November 25, 2011

Raise Your Hands

I sit quietly at the desk, paying attention as best I can. Then, the rhythmic, sleep inducing lecturing of the professor is cut off. I hear the screech. The sound that can only be produced by one of the most annoying classmates I have ever had.

She has just interrupted Dr. Jones, and it isn't nearly the first time. I put my face into my hands and start pulling my hair.

Not only is her voice and overall presentation extremely annoying (she is a cross between Jabba the Hut and a turtle with curly hair and a bad overbite that occasionally sounds like it is from MinneSOTA) , but when she opens her mouth, she has absolutely nothing intelligent or useful to say. And Dr. Jones is such a nice guy he doesn't do anything about it. He stops what he is saying, listens attentively, and nicely remarks, " Hmm, that's really smart."

But it wasn't smart.

On top of the aggravation this classmate already causes me, Dr. Jones is one of my favorite professors. When he gets interrupted I feel personally insulted because I have been briefly denied the chance to hear what he has to say. Sure, he can probably pick up from where he started after someone interrupts with something dumb, but what if the comment was so mind numbing he forgets what he was saying? Then we all have been robbed.

Another similar offense, though not nearly as atrocious, is speaking without raising your hand during a period where the class is supposed to be answering a question. I have personally experienced this and have seen it happen to others many times. The person raises their hand to answer the question, Dr. Jones is about to call on them, and then someone speaks out randomly. Oftentimes, they have just answered the exact way you wanted to. Dr. Jones doesn't stop the person who talks out of turn, then goes to the hand raiser and all they can say is, "that's what I was going to say."

The hand raiser now looks unoriginal and useless, while the speaker outer gets lavished with praise.

Life isn't fair. The only way for a hand raiser to truly win in this situation is to keep fighting. Raise that hand. Wait for your turn. Be a member of society. Your time will come, believe me.

It is going to be a tough fight for us. America follows with reckless abandon those who interrupt. How many times have you been watching an interview on Oprah, Glenn Beck, Nancy Grace, Dr. Phil or any show of the like and the guest being interviewed was rudely spoken over? How about every episode.

It is very annoying when you want to hear the person say something and Oprah stops them to say, "See, I've always felt that way too because I think I'm a spiritual leader for America and I deserve to be heard every waking second."

Then she does a Vanna White motion to her sweater, "And I have large breasts."

The audience claps.

How will we ever escape all these bombastic big shots?

The truth is, we can't. My advice would be to just ignore the conceited jerks who value their own thoughts and opinions over others and try to enjoy whatever situation you may be in.

Next time I'm in class with Dr. Jones, I'm not going to listen to the interrupters. I will be blissfully ignorant of them. I will simply sit through class and wait for Dr. Jones to say, "You guys did a great job today, see you next week."

Then I will say quietly to myself, "Okey dokey, Dr. Jones! Hold on to your potatoes!"

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

2011 Browns Season Preview Extravaganza

With the Indians collapsing in August (literally collapsing-A LOT of injuries) the focus of Cleveland sports fans now turns to Cleveland Browns football. The Browns look to have a successful season after a breakout year by Peyton Hillis and with the quarterback of the future, Colt McCoy.

This is also the debut of new head coach Pat Shurmur. He has no previous head coaching experience which maybe doesn't sound so great, but Mike Smith of the Atlanta Falcons and Tony Sparano of the Miami Dolphins have recently had first year head coach success. Hopefully that rubs off onto Pat. Although I'm not sure why middle aged football coaches would be rubbing each other.

The Browns are a young team that could potentially surprise some people. And although the past sentence is a reoccurring theme and hope of the past ten years, I think the Browns could possibly make the playoffs this year. And in the very likely event they do not, I'm sure this at least will be a positive season, just like the season the Indians are ending soon.

Here's a list of pros and cons off the top of my head going from 2010 to 2011 for the Browns.

Cons:

-New coach means new coordinators.

I am going to miss Rob Ryan (defensive coordinator) terribly. In true Ryan family form, this guy was so much fun to watch. He was always very engaged on the sideline and really gave the Browns defense a personality. Although the defense's overall rankings weren't actually that impressive, Rob Ryan is a heck of a defensive mind. The Dallas Cowboys gained an asset by adding him and Dallas fans should be happy to have him.

However, I think everyone either doesn't care, or is in general happy that Brian Daboll (offensive coordinator) is out the door. I'm pretty sure nobody in Cleveland liked him much. He did provide this funny moment,and that will always be my endearing memory or Mr. Daboll.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgU42Yzbf84



-Elam is gone. He was one of our safeties, and was a pretty good player. His replacement looks to be a downgrade.

-We still do not have a wide receiver

Massaquoi and Robiske have not been the answer out wide. Cribbs will never be able to offer much outside of the slot and running Wild Cat formations. They drafted Greg Little and he may turn out to be a nice player, but I wouldn't expect too much in his rookie season.


Pros:

-Colt McCoy does look like the future.

If you ever watch any football preseason ESPN production featuring Merril Hoge, you have a good chance of hearing him grade rookie quarterbacks. I'm not exactly sure why he is qualified to do so, since he was a running back in his career, but he talks loud so I guess people believe him.

Anyway, the one thing Mr. Hoge emphasizes with any quarterback is accuracy. Which is why he is not a big believer in the likes of players like Cam Newton and Tim Tebow. From watching Colt McCoy dissect the Buckeyes defense in the Fiesta Bowl a few years ago, I know this guy is accurate. I believe I remember hearing he was completing something like 70% of his passes back in college. Either way, this guy started four years at Texas, a big time college football program. He can handle pressure and knows how to win. I believe he is the winningest college football quarterback ever, although Kellen Moore with Boise State may overtake him there.

College success doesn't guarantee anything in the NFL, but I'm very confident that Colt McCoy will at least be an above average starting quarterback for the majority of his NFL career. He knows how to lead and he knows how to win, which is a huge factor in being a good quarterback. I don't care if the critics think he is short with a weak arm.

-The Schedule

Since the Browns are in the tough AFC North, with the Steelers and Ravens running the show the past several years (I guess we'll throw in the 2009 division winning Benglas, pretty fluky team, though), it is always difficult to be successful with four games against those rivals. Outside of the division, the Browns are playing the AFC South and the NFC West, and randomly the Miami Dolphins. Very favorable opponents. Which leads to the schedule breakdown.

The Schedule (with predictions)

Week 1 vs Bengals

The Bengals have been operating in some sort of alternate universe for several years. This team never has anything together and there is so much internal conflict within the organization. Carson Palmer doesn't even want to play for this team for several million dollars. The team doesn't look to be much better. In general, I wouldn't expect many high scores from any NFL game in week 1. I figure teams are getting things together on offense with the shortened preseason the lock out provided. This is why I think the Browns need to get early wins this season. Although I really know almost nothing about offensive play books, the West Coast offense seems to be somewhat simplistic. If the Browns can be consistent on offense, maybe the opponents won't be at the same level, yet. Colt McCoy hitting his receivers and Ben Watson for short yardage and Hillis smashing through the Bengals D will add up to a convincing Browns victory.

Browns win 24-13


Week 2 at Indianapolis

The general consensus is that the Colts is a High School team with Peyton Manning at quarterback. However, the Colts have been perennial playoff team for a long time now, so I think it has a little to do with Manning's teammates. That being said, I still think they suck. Manning had neck surgery this offseason and the recovery isn't going as well as he and the Colts hoped. He is not starting their week 1 game and I have a feeling he won't be available in Week 2.

Browns win 20-10


Week 3 vs Miami

The Dolphins do not have a quarterback and both of their running backs, Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams, left town. This leaves the ground duties to Reggie Bush and a rookie. I'm confident the Browns can make it three in a row, and really they have to if they expect to succeed.

Browns win 31-17


Week 4 vs Tennessee

Tennessee has Matt Hasselbeck at quarterback which is a similar quarterback to Colt McCoy. He will be a consistent player for them, I believe. They also have the very dangerous Chris Johnson. I think the Browns may lose this one.

Titans win 23-10


Week 5- Bye Week


Week 6 @ Oakland

I for some reason have a lot of faith in the Oakland Raiders. I even have their quarterback, Jason Campbell, as my backup fantasy quarterback over Colt McCoy. The Raiders are similar to the Browns in that they will probably run the ball a lot. The Raiders also have a kicker that can kick it really far. Seabass Janickowski gets the win late.

Raiders win 13-10


Week 7 vs Seattle

Despite being a playoff team last year, the Seahawks stink. Matt Hasselbeck is no longer their quarterback and as long as Marshawn Lynch doesn't go into Beast Mode, we should be fine.

Browns win 28-13

Week 8 @ San Fran

The days of Joe Montana, Steve Young, and Jerry Rice are long gone. Alex Smith hasn't proved anything in his time in San Francisco. He may not even be the starter by the time the Browns get there. Gore is a good running back but has had health issues in the past. Either way, I don't think he will tip the balance in the 49ers favor.

Browns win 17-7


Week 9 @ Houston

Houston is a team that many think should have won the AFC South division the past two years. With Manning possibly out a few weeks, they may get a head start on the Colts and actually win the division. At this point they are on a mission and the Browns can't get the road win.

Texans win 42-24

Week 10 vs St. Louis

St. Louis is also a team on the rise that expects to win their division this year. I figure the Browns and Rams are pretty equal teams, but the home field advantage gets the win.

Browns win 31-24

Week 11 vs Jacksonville

Jacksonville just released David Garrard, who was the starting quarterback the last time the Jags made the playoffs. Without a viable option at QB, I don't expect a threat from them.

Browns win 21-10

Week 12 @ Cincinnati

At this point, I expect the Bengals to be in the thick of a really bad season. The Bengals fans will be despondent and the Browns fans will travel well. And the Browns are better than the Bengals anyway.

Browns win 35-17


Week 13 vs Baltimore

Baltimore has a really good defense and a capable offense. However, I am not that confident in the Ravens ability to get to McCoy. Without much pressure, McCoy could have a big day. A shootout will be one of the few ways Cleveland can win this one.

Browns win 35-27


Week 14 @ Pittsburgh

It is never fun to play the Steelers with the current losing trend against them that has been a trend for a very long time. It doesn't get any easier going on the road.

Steelers win 28-13

Week 15 @ Arizona

Arizona is a strange team. Some believe in them and some do not. It comes down to if you believe in their new QB Kevin Kolb. The only way Arizona will be a threat is if Kolb can resurrect their passing game to something remotely like the Kurt Warner days. If he does that, this may be a game. But I do not have faith in Kolb.

Browns win 13-3


Week 16 @ Baltimore

Another very tough game similar to the away game with Pittsburgh. But the Browns keep this one interesting.

Ravens win 13-7

Week 17 vs Pittsburgh

The season finale. If the Browns are contending, this could be a huge game that potentially could determine a playoff spot. The collective belief of Cleveland will propel the Browns forward. Colt McCoy goes down in Cleveland Browns history for a great performance against the arch rival Steelers.

Browns win 24-21


Conclusion

Well that's that. I really hope the Browns can have a grand year. I really am excited for this season.

With the predictions above, the Browns record would be 11-5. Highly optimistic. The keys to actually achieving this record are 1) winning games you have to win. The 2010 Browns opened up the season with back-to-back heartbreak losses to the Chiefs and Bucs. Although the Bucs and Chiefs ended up being good teams, the Browns lost close games in which they did not execute late.

and 2) Proving themselves against the Ravens and Steelers. If they are ever going to win the AFC North, the Browns must prove they can beat these teams. I have them going 2-2 in the four games with these teams, but really a 1-3 record would be more than welcomed.

The Browns first game is this Sunday and I look forward to a year of fun football. Oh and go Buckeyes.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Delilah

Driving home from Progressive Field after an Indian's loss, I have a decision to make, and it really isn't all that difficult. I must either listen to the post game programming and hear Tribe manager Manny Acta give a no excuses, "we will get them next time" press conference, or turn on Delilah and hold back the tears.

Delilah, in case you don't know, is an immensely popular radio program in which the host, Delilah Rene, takes calls from any average Joe, heartbroken lover, or lost soul. Essentially, Delilah listens to the caller's story, relates to what they say, provides some words of wisdom, and wraps it all up with a cheesy love song.

And while Acta does a well enough job speaking to the fans via the airwaves, I do not think he may completely understand Cleveland. Cleveland is full of unashamed, loyal sports fans that have experienced a lot of heart break. They have been up, but mostly down. They have been that close to a World Series championship after 30 years of nothing to talk about except how good Bob Feller was. They have been abandoned by Modell and LeBron. All of this combined with living in a city and economy that has seen better days, much better days.

If you really think about it, the average Cleveland sports fan should gravitate more towards the Delilah radio show, because they too can understand the tumultuous relationships and unfulfilled dreams detailed by the callers.

Last week, after Indians reliever Joe Smith gave up a walk off homer to Boston outfielder Jacoby Ellsbury, I had to get in the car and drive to my 3rd shift job. Usually I can cope a lot better with a loss if I can just forget it and go to sleep, but I would have to gruel over this one for the eight hours to come. On the way to work, I flipped on the radio and there was Delilah. I had missed the caller's story but Delilah said thanks for the call and proceeded to play "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" by Elton John.

I started listening to the song, and the more I listened, the angrier I became. No, Delilah, I cannot feel the love tonight. But I heard the song through anyway. And then when Elton sang the line "it's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer that we got this far", something in me clicked.

I thought back on the season the Cleveland Indians had played so far, and a calm came over me. This team has so much youth and heart. All the amazing plays and late inning dramatics have made me believe. The Cleveland Indians are actually in the division race in August. The more I thought about it the more I smiled and the more Boston's walk off faded away. Because with the way Cleveland goes, it really is enough for me that we've come this far.

Of course I expect to go further in the years to come with such a promising team, but really they have done a great job this year. Bravo, Tribe.

After Elton was through singing, I snapped out of my introspective Tribe thoughts, and turned on "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi. It seemed like a better song to go with this baseball season. And while Delilah may have a successful program, I think Cleveland isn't about to get sappy on everyone and start tuning in. Because Cleveland is about being hard nosed, working hard, and Rock n' Roll. Delilah doesn't quite fit in with that.

But maybe sometime I will call in to her.

"And what's your story?", she will say.

"Well", I begin, "I'm in love with the Cleveland Indians. Sometimes I don't know if we're gonna make it or not. It seems like one moment I declare we will be in the World Series and the next I think this team doesn't have the wheels...but my biggest dream is to one day hear Tom Hamilton scream that the Indians have won the World Series. And then I will dance around to the song Cleveland Rocks. That would make my life complete."

In response to that, I'm not sure what Delilah would say. And I don't know what song she would play. I'm pretty sure it would be the best song ever, though.


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Mainstream

I have always found the notion annoying that when something, whether it be a band, or two other examples, becomes popular it is no longer "cool". It is almost as annoying as incoherent cussing.

Cussing has its place at times and in different social groups, but it really can make someone sound unintelligent when they curse every other word. Annoying white kids my age with baggy pants and a baseball cap featuring a team they have never watched seem to do this a lot. I have heard the phrase, in response to where something was, "Its all the way hell over there." If you really must cuss in every sentence, at least make it fit in. Like, "Hell, its all the way over there!" I don't want to get too vulgar so this is my last example, but I have also heard someone say, "That pisses the s*** outta me!"

I felt the need to yell at the individual upon hearing this, but I took a step back and really looked at it.

This person is so upset, the rage inside him is literally reshaping his waste system so feces exits through his urethra.


At that point I was impressed and held my tongue.

Anyway, as I was saying...wait let me check...yeah, bands not being cool anymore because they have had commercial success. It is stupid.

For whatever reason, people think they are musical geniuses because they "discovered" a band. Being the "first" and "biggest" fan is really important to them and they must immediately "like" them on Facebook.

(Just a quick note: If we are really being honest, the moms of the band members are obviously the biggest fans. They knew the whole band first and probably wrote a few lines for a song or two.)

I wish I could count the hours annoying people have scoured the internet to find a new band just so they could say they liked them before they became popular. The sum of these hours would determine the individuals jail sentence.

And really, none of these people even like the bands they find. They force themselves to listen to the music, hoping that this band becomes popular so people might think them cool for being the first to listen to them. Coupled with the aforementioned jail sentence would be the crappy bands' songs being played on loop in the jail cell. God help the person who discovered the Spice Girls.

Of course there are the rare occasions people actually find a new band they like. For some, those who I actually would respect, they share the band with people and encourage the purchase their music. Others, who want to keep the band as their secret, treat the music of the band as a fart. The individual usually only plays the music in private. If they play it in public, it is probably an accident. But the fart people don't actually love the band because if they did, they would promote them.

Of course there are some good points about mainstream things being not as cool. If a thing becomes too over appreciated and crowded, it can become less enjoyable. For instance, for the past two years, my friends and I would spend the night before the last day of school in the school's back parking lot. We would rise early in the morning and cook breakfast in the lot and share with those who arrived at school early. We had become, at least I like to think, legends for this annual behavior (coupled with the fact it was illegal made it B.A.). So the on the eve of this event, our third annual, my friend and I discover that some girls are doing the exact same thing tonight, and actually have permission from the principal. Not only did they steal they idea, they sold out to the Man. To make matters worse, they were planning to go to Denny's in the morning instead of making delicious bacon to share with all. It was seriously upsetting.

The difference between this and finding new bands is that the school over nighter/breakfast idea belonged to my friends (although I doubt we're the actual firsts to do it). So in a way we were the artists, and we were manipulated. Oh the injustice!

Anyway, the guys got together and we water ballooned the girls at 2 in the morning. They were so upset about this they egged my friends house and put a rut in his yard with their car (since destruction of property is a rational response to a water balloon getting you wet).

And that's when I discovered it is not cool to be mainstream.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Weather

Nothing much has been going on lately. It finally stopped snowing, at least I hope. And in writing that last sentence I have broken one of my many personal rules. I at one time vowed to never talk about weather to anyone. I was tired of hearing about it all the time. Hearing about weather so often just shows how we aren't even that close to those around us. The topic of weather is a standard acquaintance conversation starter. In my experience, if you're close with someone you usually don't start out with talking about weather.

I'm tired of the overused phrases...

"Crazy weather, huh?"

"Here comes the sun, doo doo doo doo"

"This cold air is making my nipples erect!"

It gets boring. If you're out shopping and you run into enough people you know, you could potentially be talking about weather in excess of fifteen minutes.

And then from there a standard conversation goes on into the individual's family.

"How does your son like this weather?"

Weather is taking over. It hasn't had this much power since people used to worship the sun.

All this being said, I understand that the outdoor conditions are something to be noted and that they affect everyday life, but come on!

Talking about weather is lazy because it is such an obvious topic. There should be attempts to build actual human connections, observe the person you are with.

"Wow, you're such a nice person!"

"I like what you did with your hair."

"Nice butt!"

"Your breath is horrid."

"You really need to shave that mustache, lady."

If we really started talking about what we think or see about the person we're talking to, real conversation will be birthed. Sure, it may be a little rude to point out a woman's mustache. But after the initial shock and embarrassment, maybe that woman will see it isn't such a big deal. And then she will open up to about her hormonal imbalances. Maybe then the real issues will be discussed. That's when real human emotions will be shown. Just imagine that tender moment when the distressed mustached lady, face streaming with tears, embraces you as you feel her soft stache gently brush against your shoulder.....

On second thought...I think I'm going to abandon my no weather conversation rule.

-But wait, you just vouched for a good paragraph about how you want real connections to be made. It would seem you're backing away from that. Are you afraid of commitment or something?

Yes...but that is beside the point, there is no more snow!

Thank ye oh mighty sun

Isn't it wonderful weather we're having?